Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
