if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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