Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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