i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
