On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
50% drunk capacity currently
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
