A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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