wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
