His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching her eat just hurts me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
