normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just pee around me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
