he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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