This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
