He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
