what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and she was petting her beer can
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
