I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to align my fucking chakras
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