You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What a dumb baby whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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