he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
