I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
