Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
