My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
