But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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