smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think your dad took our porno
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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