I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
