The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
