So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
