take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
