Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
