I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
