That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize