Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
