worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
