if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
