So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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