i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Less talking, more tequila
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
