Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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