taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
