just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
