So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
