i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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