I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
