the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He passed out mid-signature
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
