Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize