if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
