dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
