my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
