Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You don't make any sense
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