Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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