Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
