He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize