Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
