I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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