I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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