i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
