She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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