We're facebook friends in real life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize