Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is my gift to your gina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
