If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
