I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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