Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
