is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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