why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
