He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
