all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
