If i come over, it means nothing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize