Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
