Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
