do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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