So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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